RNVR Cricket Club v Cuckfield CC on Wed 06 Aug 2025 at 11.30am

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RNVR Cricket Club v Cuckfield CC on Wed 06 Aug 2025 at 11.30am
RNVR Cricket Club Lost by 3 wickets

Match report Death is a cold lasagne

Except it’s not 1975, it’s 2025 and 50 years later the fish pie is still hot. Vegetables over al dente and the cheesecake is too much, at least for some. Still, there’s port and cheese. It’s Cuckfield. It’s lunch. And Charlie Crichton, having opened the batting is still not out….

At this juncture I could bore you with the scores, the run rates, the worm, the Manhattan or the Empire State. Who knows? Who cares? When it comes to pies, Cuckfield has no equal.

RNVR player pie score based on blind tasting (and certainly nothing to do with Masterchef)

Ben Dale - Clam Pie. Lurking in the gully catches fish for fun. Throw him a cockle and he’ll bounce it from shoulder to shoulder before he pouches it. His [fishing] line let him down though, which ultimately got him a 4 from the judges. ****

Paul Coppard - Asbestos Pie. Unrelenting. Tough. Very useful though if you are caught without a fire hose. Scored a lot of runs very quickly and utilised his captain as a runner, which pleased the judges. Tried to impersonate Glenn McGrath in 2005 which resulted in him being replaced by Tom. Which sums it up. ***

Charlie Crichton - Game Pie. Has a technique of his own which puzzled the panel. It may not be haute cuisine but if you win the toss and bat, qui s’en soucie? Game on. Shame we lost. ***

Alex ‘wonder’ Warnes - Shortshrift Pie. Started well but became increasingly difficult to get through. Serve with venom and hate. The audience loved his cuticles btw, which gets him into finals week. ***

Yogesh and Mriksh Bhanushali - Frayed Bentos (vegetarian option). Cook on 220C for 60 mins and let steam for 10. Add vinegar. Enjoy. **

James Turnball - Wallaby pie. Undercooked, these fellows were always going to be struggling. If they tried as hard as this bloke though, it could have been a whole different story. **

Davinder Ranu - Pie Chart. Seemed to be working harder on his maths than his cooking, he spent most of the game in the scorebox. Dreaming in the outfield, he needs 6 more wickets for the that elusive hundred. *

Paul Ford - Meat pies, pie and chips, half and half. Retired and back of house this chap delivered his last pies a few years ago. Unlikely to progress. *

William Buckland - Suet Pudding. Not quite a pie but when you only get into the game at 5.30pm that’s a long time in the oven. Overcooked, he tried too hard and ended up hitting the stumps with his feet rather than the ball. Did remove the overseas competition though, much to the disgust of audience. *

Tex ‘wobble’ Warnes - Eton Mess. Still reveling in week 1 and has rather lost his way. It’s a long competition and deserts are never a strong point. Quit when you are ahead. *

Substitute (T Hillman) - P[ie]thagorus. Got his angles all wrong and ended taking a catch when he wasn’t even playing. Disqualified, we’ll have to see if he makes it back for the Christmas special. After all, carols are his specialist subject. *

Footnotes:
All Day Declaration Game - Toss won by RNVR
Overseas: Cuckfield - Sharne Mayers - Former Zimbabwe Ladies Captain; RNVR - James Turnbull (Ditchling Aussie)
3 x sharp catches in the gully from Ben Dale; 2 x slip catches from Alex Warnes and 1 x slip catch from JT

RNVR Cricket Club RNVR CC Batting

Player Name		Runs	4s	6s	Ct
extras TOTAL :	4nb 12w 3b 1lb for 3 wickets	20 294
Charlie Crichton	ct Mayers Bowled Buckeridge	89	13
Mriksh Bhanushali	ct Bowled Galbraith-Gibbons	38	5
Paul Coppard (BCC)	Not Out	124	19	3
Ben Dale	b Galbraith-Gibbons	9	1		3
Yogesh Bhanushali	Not Out	14	1	1
James Turnbull (DCC)					1
Paul Ford
Alex Warnes					2
Tex Warnes
Davinder Ranu
William Buckland

Cuckfield CC Bowling

Player name	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wickets	Average	Economy
J Donney	8.0	2	27	0	0.00	3.38
J Tuddenham	5.0	0	44	0	0.00	8.80
M Webb	5.0	0	21	0	0.00	4.20
A Jull	8.0	3	28	0	0.00	3.50
G Galbraith-Gibbons	7.0	1	37	2	18.50	5.29
M Slinger	5.0	1	32	0	0.00	6.40
C Bunning	5.0	0	39	0	0.00	7.80
E Buckeridge	4.0	0	37	1	37.00	9.25
S Mayers	3.0	0	28	0	0.00	9.33

Cuckfield CC Batting

Player name		R	4s
extras TOTAL :	4nb 14w 9b 6lb for 7 wickets	33 295 (45.1 overs)
S Longfield	ct Dale Bowled Turnbull	35
M Slinger	ct Dale Bowled Ranu	6
S Mayers	b Buckland	98	14
J Ward	ct Turnbull Bowled T Warnes	36
E Buckeridge	ct A Warnes Bowled Dale	17
A Jull	ct A Warnes Bowled Dale	6
M Webb	ct Dale Bowled A Warnes	23
G Galbraith-Gibbons	Not Out	36
J Downey	Not Out	4

RNVR Cricket Club RNVR CC Bowling

Player Name	Overs	Runs	Wickets	Average	Economy
Alex Warnes	9.0	60	1	60.00	6.67
Davinder Ranu	5.0	39	1	39.00	7.80
Yogesh Bhanushali	6.0	30	0	0.00	5.00
James Turnbull (DCC)	9.1	60	1	60.00	6.55
Tex Warnes	6.0	29	1	29.00	4.83
Ben Dale	6.0	30	2	15.00	5.00
William Buckland	4.0	30	1	30.00	7.50

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